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This period represents a ten-year milestone since the word “ghosting” hit the mainstream. At the time, the idea that someone could suddenly stop communication with a partner without a word seemed like the pinnacle of disrespect. Our innocence was charming. In the 10 years since, seeking a significant other has only become more confounding – an oftentimes fruitless pursuit in embarrassment that is increasingly pigeonholed by social media jargon.

Gen Z, a cohort who grew up during a loneliness epidemic, a male identity reckoning, and a coordinated challenge on the rights of women and the LGBTQ+ community, faces a far messier landscape than their Gen Y elders could ever fathom. And so their dating glossary has grown more elaborate and more deranged, with phrases like “Shrekking” and “vine swinging” straining the boundaries of your sanity.

What follows is a comprehensive glossary to the terms Zoomers is using to navigate love, intimacy and the pursuit of both. To paraphrase one of the year’s most viral memes, by the conclusion of this glossary you’ll long to get back to a bygone era – because wherever that is, it is free from “wokefishing”.

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The Letter A

Authenticity – According to gen Z, dating’s ideal is presenting as your real, unvarnished self. You'll need it with that!

B

Feathered friend test – A online phenomenon inspired by a test developed by couples researchers, in which you point out something minor – for example, “A bird flew by earlier” – and observe whether your date's response is engaged or disinterested. If they show no desire to hear more about the bird, you two are headed for splitsville.

Independent partner – Zoomers' answer to the “manic pixie dream girl” stereotype of the early 2000s – but rather than having short fringe, liking The Smiths and eschewing commitment, the black cat girlfriend focuses on her own needs while radiating mystery and independence. (She could possibly have baby bangs.)

C

Seat theory – This means going for someone who supports you proactively. If you entered a room, they would pull up a chair for you to sit down.

Errand romance – A date where two people connect while handling tasks, such as pet care or food shopping. In other words, how cash-strapped twentysomethings do budget-friendly romance in a inflation-era world.

Crashing out – Losing it when you feel swamped by life. You can crash out over a infatuation or split, venting all of your (unrequited) emotions.

The Letter D

Dink – Double income, no kids. Once a symbol of 80s yuppie excess, it describes partners who opt out of having children to focus on their own well-being. Or because they find it financially impossible to become parents.

The Letter E

Emotional vibe coding – The antithesis of acting aloof: practicing dialogue, honesty and vulnerability.

The Letter F

Flags

• Red flags – Personal quirks signaling a prospective partner is bad news. Examples include calling their former partners crazy, bad tipping habits, a fondness for controversial director films, a burgeoning DJ career …
• Green flags – These traits affirm your decision to date a mate. Such as following up to make sure you got home safe after a date, low screen time, owning a bed frame …
• Odd but harmless traits – These usually describe niche, mostly harmless idiosyncrasies. Examples include being an enthusiastic birdwatcher, still keeping a pen in their purse, paying rent in cash …

Niche bonding – When you connect with someone who’s just as passionate about documentaries about the WWII or physical media hoarding or collaging or anything it may be, as you. Or, on the flip side, meeting someone who hates the same stuff or people that you do (few things creates closeness faster than having a common enemy).

G

Geese – A musical group many young men listens to.

Ghostlighting – Someone who resurfaces into your life after a period of ghosting.

Eager-to-please partner – Someone who is affable, eager to please and loyal. The uncommon partner who is adored by all of his significant other's friends, and a black cat girlfriend's opposite.

Prolonged session enthusiasts – A primarily online subculture of men so preoccupied with masturbation that they attempt extended sessions, purposefully delaying climax so they can persist as long as possible.

H

Pessimistic straight dating – A mindset describing many women's increasing pessimism toward straight relationships. It will come as little surprise to anyone who read the previous entry.

High-value woman – An archetype touted by online male influencer figures: a woman who is attractive, ever-comforting and happily domestic, who seemingly has no ambitions of her own aside from pleasing her man partner. Perhaps now you’re beginning to see the whole “heterofatalism” thing better?

I

Ick factors – Arbitrary and usually everyday dealbreakers that immediately kill any sense of attraction.

“If he wanted to, he would" – Something to keep in mind after you watch someone else receive an extremely romantic gesture.

J

Careers – These have not been this significant in the romance landscape since the Wall Street era. For some women, a “banker” is the ideal partner: a preppy, Republican-coded guy who will be a provider (there’s a hit TikTok song on the topic). Meanwhile the left-leaning crowd seek out partners in sectors they believe are being staffed by the more caring among us: healthcare workers, educators or therapists.

The Letter K

Kissing – This year, scientists learned that kissing has existed for 16 million years. But the days of locking lips may be waning since some Zoomers prefer fewer intimate scenes in movies, as they are having less sex themselves and do not find onscreen intimacy realistic.

Kittenfishing – Slight exaggeration. Or, not exactly lying about who you are, but maybe using outdated (better) photos of yourself on a online profile, or making your job sound more impressive than it is. Also known as {