Nighttime Comics Target Trump's New 'Gold Card' Residency Plan

Television's prominent comedians spent their airtime ridiculing ex-President Donald Trump's just announced visa initiative, labeled the "gold card," describing it as a blatant pay-to-play scheme for the wealthy.

Stephen Colbert's Sarcastic Analysis

Opening his program, Stephen Colbert delivered a satirical Christmas song about the commander-in-chief. "He is making a list, checking it twice, and then handing that list to the officials at ICE," he intoned. "Trump ... destroys all he comes into contact with."

The focus was the controversial initiative which enables international nationals to acquire U.S. residency for a sum of $1 million dollars, with a "top-tier" version for 5 million. A government portal promises processing "faster than ever."

"A brief message for you to wealthy foreigners: before you pay, what about Canada?" Colbert quipped.

He explained that the program is also designed to "get cash" from firms looking to hire skilled workers, involving hefty payments. "That is a lot of fees, but if you enroll, you additionally get a complimentary stay at a property of your choosing – provided that it's the Tampa Marriott Bonvoy," he added.

"Unprecedented background check the U.S. government has ever done," remarked Commerce Secretary Howard Lutnick, "a $15,000 vetting to ensure these people truly are eligible to be in America."

"That is important, you have to prove you're suitable to be an American," Colbert responded. "First question: how many hamburgers would you eat for a free T-shirt?"

Jimmy Kimmel's Humorous Critique

On his late-night show, Jimmy Kimmel referred to the initiative the "Get Into America Express Card."

"It's a card that will let rich international individuals to live here," he stated. "In exchange for a million bucks, you get official visitor status, you get a road to citizenship, and a president's pardon for one major crime of your choice."

"It might be time to update that message on the Statue of Liberty – never mind your poor masses. Give us a million bucks, you're in!" he joked.

Kimmel mocked the lack of detail of the form, saying it is "harder to start a Wordle account." He lamented that Trump "believes citizenship is something you can sell, like a steak."

"That's right, the best people are the rich people," Kimmel joked. "It's what Jesus constantly said! It's in the Bible. He says it's easier for a camel to go through the eye of a needle provided that you pay the needle a million dollars."

Seth Meyers on Economic Struggles

On another network, Seth Meyers turned to Trump's declining poll ratings during economic concerns. "People gave Donald Trump a another term because they were mad about the economy," he said.

Recently, in a effort to discuss cost of living, Trump conducted a press conference in front of a array of food items, where he behaved peculiarly to boxes of cereal.

"Lovely packaging, I think I'm going to take some of them with me to my home and have a lot of fun," Trump remarked. "Such as the Cheerios, I haven't seen Cheerios in a while."

"He is so extremely weird," Meyers said. "Like, you're going to take them home to your cottage to have a lot of fun with them? What's the plan with those Cheerios?"

Meyers finished by criticizing conservative media coverage of Trump's economic performance. "Maybe instead of complaining, you should give him a sparkling trophy similar to what FIFA did," he laughed.